Things have been very hectic here at the Ministry of Zombies – the main cause of this tension has been the WikiLeaks' revelations about our anti-zombie work here and abroad.
So, to set the record straight, here are a few issues to be clear on.
§ At no point did the Ministry know anything about the walking dead experiments on the Isle of Skye in Scotland. We have never been there and have no relative or Auntie who has ever lived on the island.
§ No one from the Ministry referred to Prince Andrew as a ‘privileged buffoon’. We are a fiercely loyal bunch and would never use such a phrase around to describe the royal family.
§ Our recent trip to Hawaii was research orientated and not a ‘jolly’. The time spent in the bar was a key part of this research.
§ No one involved in the Ministry made crank calls to the producers of US show “Jericho” to rant at the way it was cancelled. We at the Ministry are far too busy to be chasing TV shows.
§ We have never described French anti-zombie preparations as “poor and garlic-soaked” – this is an insult to all the handwork our Gallic cousins have put in.
§ Finally, at no time has anyone at the ministry described the TV series The Walking Dead as “..the best thing in the world ever dude, really, like ever in the whole galaxy mate.” Although, we admit it is may well be.
So, hopefully, this will answer the latest leaks. If any more come out, we’ll pick them up and respond to them. Also, if Candy is still out there, we need a VAT tax receipt for that show last year – please class it as a business expense.